Conference culture- a waste of resources

I came in contact with conference culture when I entered university.  Naiveté being at its peak in those last teen years, I attended workshops and conferences with extreme zeal. I would reach on time, stay till the end and religiously note down important points being mentioned by each speaker. I actually believed in the notion that words have the power to change the world. I still do, but only when used in the right way for the right people.

In past four years I have had a chance to attend conferences of different nature, from those organized by students as an assignment to those held by well known organizations in the capital city. All but had the same features, only differing in the grandeur of venue and menu. 

Funds:

Be it students who toil for weeks to get sponsorships for their event or big organizations paying for the expenses from their annual budget, the amount spent is often almost a waste of resources. Much of the expenses are image related. The venue, the hotel, the food, the backdrop, the recreational activities. It clearly is done to give incentive to the audience to attend. A lot can be inferred now about the power of words. 

Audience: 

The people that show up at the conferences have their own story to tell. Once I came across a young girl who proclaimed in an honest manner that she applied for the workshop cum conference only to get days away from work and come visit Islamabad. Some have a more long term aim of making contacts with other well established professionals in the field for better career prospects. All in all its driven by more by self interest than any altruistic motive. 

Outcome:

No doubt one would always find in such conferences people who truly are there with pure intentions. But does that make a difference. I mean, the amount of resources put into the event cannot be justified with the idea that we have to learn today to implement later. Most of the people attending these conferences are from a background where learning, getting access to information is not an issue. They usually are mature enough to have prior understanding of the topic being discussed during the event. A little stirring up of piled up knowledge in the brain cells is all that takes place in the auditorium with end result being a return back to normal work schedule with perhaps some more new 'ideas'.

I may sound here like pointing finger at those who hold conferences, and yes that is exactly what I mean to do. In a country like ours, holding such events is utter misuse of resources that are already scarce. I mean seriously, if just one person attending the conference in Islamabad from Karachi can cost the host around Rs. 75,000, I can only imagine what will be the total expense of  an entire event. I am sure you can come up with 'ideas' of how this money could have been used in a more productive way. 

Bani Munafiq - by Hafiz Hafizabadi

Came across a mushaira in which Hafiz Hafizabadi recited his poem- Bani Munafiq. The thoughts are so well articulated that I had to save it with me. Here it goes:

Bani Munafiq

Main janta hon

kay asteenon main jo chupaye hoay hain tum nay wo hath paras

wo hath paras hain aur jin ko ya cho lain un ko ya sunehra kar dain\

ya manta hon

ya manta hon tumharay ausaf be-yaqeen ho gaye hain zahir

Falak say tera khameer utra ka jaisay koi munafiqat kay zamana-eindiwal main chahaton ki lay kar naveed utra

kalam kar kay giray murday say jaan balab jo parind uraye

bani munafiq kay ae pyambar

magar zara sun

main basti-e-beyaqeen adna say ___ khabardar kar raha hon

hawas kay maray zameen zaday

tmharay paon ki khak surma bana kar ankhon main bhi lagayen yaqeen na karna

tum in ki palkon main bethnay say guraiz karna

baray ajeeb-eghareeb hain ya

ajeeb in ki aqeedatain hain

ajeeb in ki muhabatain hain

kbhi jo dil in kay bhar gaye tou

lamhay say beshtar

phair lain gay ankhain

mjhay khabar hai

teray hawari 

teri maseehai 

teray qad say 

darain gay to

kia karain gay

teray hawari teray nahin hain

ya dast-e-paras kay hain pujari

ya rasm-e-pur ____ kay waris hain

pata nahin kis tarah ka tum say salook ho ga

agar tu manay teray liya chand mashwaray hain

bani munafiq say shab ko hijart

ya dast bardar hona apni pyambari say

ya aisa karna

jo asteenon main hain chupaye

wo hath paras chupaye rahna

wo hath paras chupaye rakhna

Job interviews and larke-wale visits- twin siblings

As I entered the senior year of university, the dreaded dilemma of career vs marriage finally presented itself to me. Fraught with uncertainty at both ends, I juggled to keep all doors open.-job interviews and larke-wale visits. Going through enough of these to make one feel worthless, I came to realize that both of these activities are a lot similar to each other.

Market Saturation:

Don’t say no to the time set for the ‘interview’. The job market and the rishta market, both are too saturated to allow you the luxury of fulfilling a prior commitment. Once you get a call, consider yourself lucky and agree for the meeting, or the next candidate on the list will be approached immediately.

“Where do you see yourself” question:

The moment in which your only concern is ‘now’, when all you aim for is ‘this job’ or ‘this guy’, foolish questions about future plans are thrown at you.

‘Where do you see yourself in next 5 years?’- a question asked at every job interview. Aren’t the interviewers aware of the fact that the answer to this is always an exaggeration, because, the only thing a job candidate is realistically capable of aiming at that moment is obviously the job he/she is being interviewed for.

The larke-ki-amma poses an even more mundane question- ‘What do you plan to do next?’ Lady, isn't it obvious. I am not sitting in front of you all dolled up to pass a scholarship interview.

Merit Evaluation:  

A multi-skilled candidate is what everyone is looking for. To land a good job, you need a resume showing off not only your academic excellence, but a long list of extra-curricular activities and considerable work experience, even though you are yet to graduate.

The larke-wala’s have a similar taste for multi-purpose bride-to-be. She should be well educated, to be able to support in times of financial crisis. She should be a good cook, so that the in-laws can get a dine-out experience at home, everyday for free.  She should be the hottest chick on the block, so that husband can have a red-carpet experience each time the couple goes out.

Dress-code:

There are sessions conducted in schools and colleges to counsel the new entrants in job market about how to dress up for the interview. A false impression as your first impression will lead to success is the mantra.

Similarly, the rishta interviews also have an implied dress-code to be followed. If it’s only the larke-ki-amma visiting, go for a sober colour. You don’t want to appear as too alive to scare the mid life crisis facing to-be-mother-in-law.  If the guy is accompanying his mother in the first visit, you have a tough situation. Try to go for a young, lively look, but the body language should send out a message of subservience. Never forget you are a kunwari larki in need of an identity, which only larke-wala’s can provide you with. Be thankful.

This cycle continues for me and many like me. All I want to ask is a little concern, if not from the corporate world, then at least from those who seek companionship

An edited version of this post appeared as a blog on website of Express Tribune
http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/13386/marriage-proposals-and-job-interviews-are-pretty-much-the-same/

If there is no God...

If there is no God,
Then,
Who listens to my tears in the deep recesses of night?

If there is no God,
Then,
Whom does my heart hug in the moments of joy?

If there is no God,
Then,
In whose arms do I cuddle up to sleep after those long runs of life?

If there is no God,
Then,
Who gathered the scattered me to create me- old but new?

Am I secular? Am I Muslim? If I am both, am I still Pakistani?

Star Plus is the most watched channel in Pakistan, and my home is no different.  Though I claim to be the odd one out in family, watching Hum Tv dramas online, Star Plus was my station every Sunday morning for the last three months. Satyamev Jayate was too familiar to be missed, only till the last episode was aired.

Based on the spirit of Indian Constitution, the last episode was much about celebrating the secular identity of India. From a Hindu couple providing education to orphans of Muslim families in Gujarat to a Muslim man voluntarily assisting in funeral rituals of unclaimed dead bodies in accordance with their religion, most stories had some element of religious tolerance to show the true spirit of Indian constitution.

This last episode left me thinking about my own country’s identity- the Islamic identity.  Secular and Islamic, are these two terms mutually exclusive? Can I be secular and a good Muslim at the same time?

The teacher, who made me excel in mathematics, is a Christian. My best friend in kindergarten was a Hindu. I have attended a mass in Church, and I have fed fishes from the temple stairs. I ate turkey on Thanksgiving with a Christian family, and was invited to lunch by a Sikh family.

I have also served food to the homeless in a mosque. I have condemned the disrespectful caricatures made in the name of freedom of speech. I have defended the concept of hijab and polygamy. I wait for the blessed month of Ramazan every year, and I yearn to visit the holiest place on earth- the Kaaba.

Who am I? Am I secular? Am I Muslim? If I am both, am I still Pakistani? 

My country’s flag tells me Pakistan was not made to discriminate on the basis of faith. Its green field represents my Muslim identity and vertical white stripe exhibits the right of my non-Muslim countrymen on this Land of Pure.

My religion tells me to respect the Gods of other religion. It tells me to be kind and just towards all creatures. It tells me to protect the rights of the oppressed, regardless of their creed, cast, colour.

My country’s constitution states:

Wherein adequate provision shall be made for the minorities freely to profess and practise their religions and develop their cultures;

Therein shall be guaranteed fundamental rights, including equality of status, of opportunity and before law, social, economic and political justice, and freedom of thought, expression, belief, faith, worship and association, subject to law and public morality;

Wherein adequate provision shall be made to safeguard the legitimate interests of minorities and backward and depressed classes;

Pakistan was conceived as an Islamic nation. But Islamic does not at all translate into intolerant. Pakistan was supposed to be as secular as any other country on this planet. My religion and my constitution allow me to be secular and a Muslim together, only if my leaders would allow me and many like me to build a Pakistan that our ancestors actually dreamt of.

Why only women for the test?

Marriage is one issue that never losses it charms as a topic for family discussions, social and religious seminars and even news stories. It is one decision of life which is heavily loaded with expectations, mostly on the woman’s side. Today I came across a news story about Iraqi women facing court ordered virginity tests and I thought what else misogynistic societies can come up with next.

Muslim societies appear to be over obsessed with relations pertaining to opposite sex and we regularly come across horror stories where youth get killed in the name of honour. Instead of providing alternative, religiously legitimate routes for the younger generation, our society prefers putting up more and more barriers in the way. Unfortunately, the barriers are completely ineffective against the hormones gushing in bloodstream of young members of society; hence time and again we find boys and girls indulging into activities that they perhaps shouldn’t be involved in.  But the injustice doesn’t end here. Almost in every instance, one finds the blame being placed on the female counterpart. Not only men, but women in our society are found saying things like, ‘behkane wali toh humesha larki hi hoti hai, jab tak larki agey na bare larka kuch nahi kar sakta.’

Coming back to the court order of virginity test for Iraqi women, one wonders why only for women? If a woman is either a divorcee or a widow, she would definitely not be a virgin; hence it’s obvious that the test is for unmarried women only. But then, why are unmarried men exempted from it? May be because there is no test to ascertain a man’s virginity, but does that make it fair? Is it ok for men to have pre-marital sex?

Islam being a code of conduct of life, it certainly talks very clearly about the principles in matters like adultery and fornication. Following are some Quranic verses on the topic:

The man and woman guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment. (Holy Quran 24:2)

The adulterer shall not marry save an adulteress or an idolatress, and the adulteress none shall marry save an adulterer or an idolater. All that is forbidden unto believers. (Holy Quran 24:3)

It’s obvious from the Quranic verses mentioned above that both man and woman are equally guilty for the act of adultery or fornication and punishment is for both. I have no intention of going into a debate about the mode of punishment because that is not what we are concerned with here. What matters is to acknowledge the fact that it takes two to commit fornication and hence both man and woman should be considered equally responsible and both should bear the consequences without societies giving clean passage to the ‘so called’ men who cannot stand up to their mistakes.

Sins committed by an individual in past are his/her personal matter and should not be brought out in front of everyone deliberately. Allah (swt) -the merciful, holds the right to forgive and we are no one to snatch it away from anyone. Lets open up our hearts and accept the fact that religion is not as cold as we interpret it to be.

An edited version of this post appeared as a blog on the website of Express Tribune
http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/12535/of-patriarchy-and-virginity-tests/

My Spouse- Not My Choice

Along with heat waves and monsoon rains, wedding season approaches in Pakistani society in these twin months of June-July. Noisy celebrations and chaotic pleasures overcome the drudgery of routine life. But just behind this curtain of happiness are found the pressures, the emotional blackmailing and sheer injustice in the name of traditions, honour and even religion.  

Love marriage vs Arrange marriage is a competition that’s been going on for ages in this region and throughout these years the players have remained the same, children and parents. The social infrastructure of our society makes children dependant upon their parents, which has its positives in form of a strong support system and a healthy family life, but it also has the dark side that snatches away the decision making authority from the children even after they are grown up adults.

Youth’s Perspective:

As a child grows up and enters the world, his own experiences start moulding his personality, his choices, and his aspirations. As soon as he enters adolescence, the opposite gender starts to attract his attention and passing through the stages of crushes and infatuations, he finally reaches a stage where commitment is on his mind. He finds someone who compliments him, and is willing to take up the responsibility of entering into the marriage contract. But alas! He had almost forgotten about that cousin- choice of his parents.

He loves his parents and doesn’t want to hurt them. He wants them to be happy. He wants them to meet her, to accept her. He wants both parents and his-choice-of-spouse to be part of his life as both are important for him. He talks, he pleads. It’s nothing immoral, nothing un-Islamic, he beseeches them for blessings.

The answer: It’s either us or her.

Parents Perspective:

Mother and Father raise up their children to be obedient and respectful of elders. They pass to the young generation the traditions of family, the norms and values of their community. Children are the mirror image of their parents, and thus are expected to be well-behaved and complaisant.

With time, as children grow up, parents talk about them as their investment. The toil and hardwork put in to raise them has to give returns in old age. The children are now adults and comes in the drive to find them a spouse, but also ushers in the insecurity of losing the asset of lifelong work to these ‘kal ki chokriyan’.  Son has good future prospects and is good looking and so this chick in his university or workplace who claims to love him is only after a promising future, is only a fraud. Afterall who can be more appropriate to be his wife than his cousin from within the family? Same traditions, values and upbringing.

Our child cannot shatter our image in society. We never expected him to be so selfish. He has no respect for his old parents and does not honour choice of his parents to whom he owes his success today. He is drifting away and we don’t want him to reach a point from where there is no returning back. We want him to be a part of this family but only with wife of our choice.

Differences in expectations of parents and children in choosing a spouse are making marriage a headache for youth. Some choose to ignore the topic for as long as possible whereas others succumb to pressure only to enter into a relationship that offers nothing more than sexual gratification and bunch of grandchildren to make family complete.

Why don’t we want to open up to the world and embrace people from other cultures and communities? Why are we adamant to stay stagnated?

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow. (Khalil Gibran)