1950… Kohat Valley… inter-sect marriage.
The bride’s cousins opposed the union. There were threats
of a 20 year boycott. There were orders that no cleric should read the Nikaah. But
then there was a twist – most certainly.
It was an arranged match.
Seventy year old Brig (retd) Talat Imtiaz Naqvi, former
principal at Garrison Cadet College
Kohat, joyfully shares
the story of his maternal uncle and aunt who are also his in-laws.
“My uncle (Shia) was
the most educated bachelor in town, and my aunt’s father, a Sunni man, wanted
to marry his daughter to this Shia youth.” The marriage thus took place and lasts
till date, he said proudly.
Also the opposition was not due to the most popular
notion of our days- sectarianism. According to Brig Naqvi, it was the case of
love interest. “One of my aunt’s cousins himself wished to marry her, hence,
the hue and cry.”
Brig Naqvi’s both paternal and maternal sides of the
family have a history of successful inter-sect marriages, and Brig Naqvi
believes, in light of experience, that such bonds help dissolve the hostilities
that may have developed between the followers of different sects. “The very
essence of this relationship (of marriage) helps build a bridge between sects.”
Sharing his personal example, he said, “Even after decades of our marriage, my
wife still offers Namaz in a Sunni manner, because she was brought up by a
Sunni mother, and this was never a big deal in our house.”
Brig Naqvi believes that the problem does not lie in the
institute of marriage but the value system of society. “It is ironic,” he said,
“that while we, as a society, are becoming more educated and technologically
advanced, we are losing the value of tolerance when it comes to sectarianism.”
It’s 2013, and towards south of the country, Karachi, it’s
the month of Moharram,
In a typical Shia mourning gathering, there is something
not so very typical about it. The attendees of the majlis are not all clad in black.
Nisa Fatima, a 47 year old Shia woman, married to a Sunni
man, holds a majlis every year which
is attended even by her in-laws. “My in-laws are from a different sect but even
they believe in the sacrifice of Imam Hussain a.s, and so it was never a
problem for me to carry on with this tradition.”
Originally from Jacobabad, Fatima also comes from a
family with a history of intersect marriages, and is clueless why society
doesn’t accept such unions. “It’s simply an incorrect mindset,” said Fatima,
“with one God, and myriads of similarities in practice and beliefs, is there really
logic behind this divide?” she asks.
Samra Raza, a 50 year old housewife in Karachi, shares a
similar experience, but with some rough memories to go along with it. As a
Sunni woman who married a Shia man in the 1980s, Samra had to face the
all-too-known opposition from her family. “My grandmother used to follow Shia
rituals like Koonday and going to the Imambargah, but then somewhere down the
line it all disappeared.”
Samra recalls that for her the struggle to get married
into another sect lasted for almost five years, and even today “the struggle
goes on”. “It’s not about the in-laws,” she said, “I never converted and my
in-laws embraced me as I am. However, getting married into a different
community means interacting with the entire community, and you find all sorts
of people everywhere.”
For Samra, for a marriage to become a bridge between
sects, the key component is will-power. “If you enter into it, go through with
it, as it is a huge responsibility you are taking up to create a peaceful
society.”
Sect of the offspring?
Marriages are strongly linked with the idea of
procreation, and hence comes the very core dilemma of intersect marriages – the
sect of children.
Sana*, 23, with her parents belonging to two different sects,
believes that “having two sects in a home does not make it a war zone.” The key
factor Sana shared is “no discussion on controversial topics at home.”
It was only in her late teens that the sectarian
difference became known to Sana and that too due to peer pressure at school.
“My friends used to talk about things (religious rituals) I didn’t know
anything about,” said Sana (her school was a sect based community school.)
With a Shia father and Sunni mother, Sana personally
feels it’s not important to pick any one sect for herself. “I
don’t want to choose a side; I am a Muslim and nothing else.” However, she
does acknowledge that “even if you don’t want to, the society
will do that for you.”
For Aurangzeb Khan, 22, the choice was
clearly defined by the age of twelve. Having a bent towards his mother’s sect,
Shiaism, Khan feels his father initially had some reservations about his
decision.
“When I offered my first namaz, my father asked me if it was the
correct way, and I replied, ‘Hands down or folded, all I know is that I am
standing before one God’.” However, somewhere down the line, said Khan, his father
started encouraging him to follow Shia traditions. “I think we have now reached
our balancing point.”
Khan hails from a business class Sindhi
family. Passionate
about his religious beliefs, Khan acknowledges having verbal skirmishes with
his paternal cousins over contentious matters like doctrine of Khilafat (Sunni)
and Imamat (Shia). “There have been instances of heated debate, but things
never got out of hand.”
Outside family, Khan has had a mixed
experience. Khan does not feel discriminated against, but often gets questioned
about his identity. “‘How come having a Sunni father, you follow the Shia
traditions?’ is one question I am asked often by friends,” he said with a
smile.
For Sana*, the struggle has always been
more external than internal. “My classmates used to make me feel like a Martian
because I wasn’t like them. I don’t want to be like them, I have been bought up
in a broader mindset and I cannot be a hypocrite.”
Scholarly
viewpoint
Abdul Rahman Qureshi, former director of an Islamic
centre, Association Interculturelle des Pakistanais en France (AIPF) in Paris,
firmly supports the idea of intersect marriages.
“This tradition dates back long in the history of the
sub-continent and can be a positive source to bring tolerance in our society.”
For Qureshi, more than sectarian differences, the society
is plagued with a rigid mindset which does not even allow marriages between two
persons from sub-groups of the same sect.
Qureshi also believes that use of the term sect for Shia
and Sunni is a flawed practice. “Both believe in and follow the same
foundations of the same religion and so qualify as two schools thought instead
of sects.”
The approach of education of the Muslim young generation,
according to Qureshi, should be based, even without marriages, on the mutual
respect of all the religions and tolerance towards their followers. “This
education first begins at home and then at religious circles,” he said, “and when
they reach the age of forming opinions on reason and knowledge they are free to
choose their own way.”
Some clerics, however refrain from recommending the
practice lest it becomes a trend, even though they agree that there is a
broader consensus that the act in itself is permissible.
Maulana Murtaza Karbalai, a Shia cleric, feels that even
though there are many common grounds on which the two major sects of the
country can unite, inter-sect marriage is not a very strong solution. “When it
comes to inter-sect marriages, routine social and economic conflicts of a
married life become associated with difference of sects of the spouses.”
For Maulana Karbalai, in case of a bad experience in an
inter-sect marriage, there is a greater tendency for the parties to view the
entire sect through the prism of resentment.
*Sana- the name has been changed as requested by the source.
(edited version published on Dawn.com on 31-1-2014)
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